Bright Ideas Trust Blog

Insight from the inside. Read our team's blog to get (we hope) valuable insight into everything from business practices to dos and don'ts when applying to Bright Ideas Trust.

The Junior Apprentice - And So It Begins…(Episode 1)

DISCLAIMER
The views expressed in this publication do not reflect those of Bright Ideas Trust, or its
CEO Tim Campbell (besides I’m an intern, I can’t be sacked).

The music by Philip Glass, the dramatic skylines, and the familiar “Lord Sugar will see you now” (ok so not completely familiar, he used to be a Sir), tells us only one thing, Lord Sugar is recruiting. Things however are not what they seem. Mini-people are walking through the door which prompts Lord Sugar to open proceedings in a rather different fashion “for once I’m actually taller than most of the candidates here”. Welcome to the Junior Apprentice. It’s like its older brother, only the people are marginally less bothered about the superego, and there is no job at the end of it.

“Good Morning Lord Sugar”
“Good Morning [children]”
Lord Sugar gives them a half earnest smile but immediately I am struck by the thought that this no longer appears as a boardroom, but a classroom.

While we hear of what they can win and so on we have the same ‘cut-to’ clips of the candidates professing their aims of world dominance, and get an idea of what Tim Campbell was like in his early
years. An easy way to describe these people is by suggesting where they might be in the near future. Much quicker, and just as informative.

Adam - Lord Sugar’s adopted son
Arjun - Scientist who disproved the theory of Relativity
Emma - Youngest female Cabinet member
Hannah - Accountant
Hibah - Ok! Magazine editor
Jordan - Super-villain
Kirsty - Restaurant owner
Rhys - MP
Tim - Friend of Tim Campbell
Zoe - Lead role in a ‘reality Skins’ TV programme

Lord Sugar is definitely in a hipper, happier place this series. He smiles and jokes, even mentioning ‘Facebook Parties’. Radical. Familiarity soon returns however. They are split boys and girls, and given a task - sell cheese. First things first, a name, oh so important. The boys settle with ‘Instinct’ which Rhys quite rightly responds with “it sounds like a deodorant”. The girls go for ‘Revolution’. Perfect for selling cheese.

Now team leaders…in the girl’s camp, well, as the cliché goes, you could have heard a pin drop - forget that, you could have heard a piece of dust fall on a velvetcovered bouncy castle. None of them were up for it. From what seemed like five minutes footage of girls looking at the floor, (no doubt edited down from an hour) a leader was finally born, Hibah. For the boys, was there any question? Nope, you guessed it, Super-villain Jordan it was. A time to shine, or not as the case may be.

Before this descends into libellous defamation, we shall be doing these reviews each week, and yes! there will be a business slant. As we did for the Apprentice last year, we will hope to identify a lesson (or lessons) from each episode, which, with any luck, will be even more relevant to the people that come to us. Whilst the contestants of Junior Apprentice may seem a million miles away from you, they are not (at least for the purposes of this blog). You are young, creative, with a passion to succeed, and most definitely have uttered the words “no one wants to do a deal with an ugly person”…nope?…just Zoe then.

So, down to business, for them, and for us. Cheese….more cheese than sense. Sell it. £500 worth of all sorts of cheese to be sold on a London Market. The girls ‘wasted’ time being all sensible and pricing the cheese, and just generally figuring out what’s the difference between this big lump of orange and that big lump of yellow. The boys went for it. Guns a-blazing. Gender stereotypes anyone? My initial love was for the boys - they chose our local market at Whitecross street, just round the corner from Bright Ideas (its a good job I have no say in who gets investment isn’t it?) - but things changed once the teams went into the field.

LESSON NO.1!
Preparation is essential…know your product and who your selling to

We must take age into account, but the boys…well…they made some serious errors. It started off with a wave of genius, ‘the credit crunch lunch’ for £2 - some cheese, crackers and grapes. Genuinely brilliant. They sold like hot cakes (cheese? No.). Only its brainchild, Tim, seemed to lack oomph. He blamed it on windy conditions as to why more weren’t made but as a part time farmer was left slightly baffled. Maybe he previously worked on the moon.

LESSON NO.2!
An idea is great, but unless it is carried out with raw determination, it is not a business.

They tried to sell some stuff but their scatter gun approach wasn’t ideal. The eloquent Adam tried to use his brain and suggested they should find ‘woman’, ‘woman loves cheese’. Not Shakespeare but I was thinking exactly the same thing, just as I thought the boys could be doing ‘more better’. Finally,out of desperation, they sold their cheese for £250 to a restaurant. He barely hid his disbelief in the offer, in fact, I think a bit of drool dripped into the cheese box. Returning to Lesson 1, if they had known this, they would have known to charge more.

The girls chose Covent Garden (I’m almost 100% sure they called it Convent Garden at first). With their cheese so organised it could be placed in the Natural History Museum Archives they could get down to business. Zoe went mental. In her past-life she was a market seller so I guess this was expected. She laughed, joked, flirted, and even started to get tips…for cheese! Imagine that.

LESSON NO.3!
Sales sales sales! Even Leonardo Da Vinci had to get involved in this ‘dirty’ skill.

Team leader Hibah was left in Zoe’s wake, like a bedraggled town after a hurricane. She did what all business owners have done at one (many) point in their lives, she cried. I would have too if I’m honest. Hibah had no chance with Zoe. No one had a chance with Zoe. Nevertheless, despite rivalries emerging within the group, they sold so much cheese. They even convinced some poor wine trader that he needed cheese too - he did not.

(On a side note, I could not help being disturbed by them all touching and moving their hair with their nice ’sterilised’ gloves. Yom.)

So the outcome? Well if the music hadn’t made it clear enough the whole way through, we got the facts. The boys lost. Bad. They scraped back half the cost of the cheese! I quote Tim (quoting Lord Sugar) “Anyone can sell a 10 bob note for 9 bob”. If you are young like me, you have no idea what they are talking about, but it doesn’t sound good!

Back in the classroom, Lord Sugar returns to his old self. He made sure the boys understood the seriousness of their failure. It was terrible, and the excuses were just that, excuses. The girls on the other hand left in a wave of love for each other. There are no enemies amongst winners.

They wandered off to the coffee shop and one shot of one of them pouring sugar into a spoon for his tea made it so clear that they are just young people trying to succeed. It was the closest I came to being sympathetic, and I don’t know why. Then they spoke.

So what went wrong? The easy answer was to blame the team leader, Jordan, and everyone did. He on the other hand blamed Rhys for picking Whitecross market. Tim got abused for being ‘lazy’. Yet he was not alone in not trying hard enough. A perfect example of this came with Jordan, when he was dishing out tasks “you do this, you do that” and so on, when one of them replied, “well what are you doing?”. They should have cut in a scene from the girls deciding a project manager at this point…he was as silent as they.

In the end Jordan got fired. Sadly that will be the last of the Super-villain. This would have been a rubbish comic book. But, in his own words, Jordan was a ’successful business man’, maybe he is, but this did not translate to the Junior Apprentice.

We shall see you after the next episode (Friday is the plan, at last much more prompt than this!), where perhaps Zoe will make someone else cry. Also, look out for Philip Glass music - they are addicted…

LT

Posted in Junior Apprentice | 2 Comments »

The Junior Apprentice - A Camel is a Horse Designed by Childen… (Episode 2)

I wonder how our little emperors (and empresses) are doing? Developing a modesty gene? Nope. Developing astute business minds? Not really. It’s only week two though, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, no faffing around. We know who they are and we love them for it. We know Lord Sugar, and we know the format. Task - Fail - Fired. Ok, let’s roll.

Before we start, one question, what are the BBC up to? Wellies, in unspecific gender colours. How modern. An unnecessary shot of Zoe, 16, running up the stairs. How traditional. I am confused as to how I should feel.

The task this week was to design a new product for the camping market. Teams were as before. Boys vs Girls. Instinct vs Revolution. But Lord Sugar’s mind is razor sharp. Oh, you’ve picked a project leader? Swap please! As if these poor adolescents weren’t scared enough, now they have to interact with the opposite sex. Nightmare.

For Instinct we have Hannah leading. I hear you say who? I lied again, we don’t know and love all of them are. I don’t think she featured in the last episode. Maybe she was ill. Well, she put herself up because of her ‘creativity’. She has designed her own invention but she “can’t exactly tell us about it”. It’s probably not that exciting anyway so I’m glad.

For Revolution it was cheeky-chappy Adam, who it turns out, can’t talk to these ‘woman’ (his grammar) that he mentions so frequently. Why did he want this task? Well he owns an online camping equipment store and he goes camping a lot (this turned out to be an extension of the truth *ahemliesahem* - “no no, I used to go twice a year, last year”)

Well…how did it go?

Starting with Instinct, we have the two creative geniuses; Hannah and Tim in the same team (remember the credit-crunch lunch?). This is going to be awesome. Like the Hydron Collider. They choose to aim for festival go-ers. Rhys rambles about mud and Tim responds “Have you ever been to a festival?” Rhys shakes his head. “Right” say Tim. Cue the most patronising, smug, facial expression you can ever imagine. He may as well have just said “you see this beard I have? That’s right I’m a man, AND I’m cool enough to go to festivals, you, little boy, are not”. I want to slap him. With a shovel.

However, he did then come up with a sledge that you could carry your bags on. Fine. It’s actually rather a good idea, and once again he has shown an impressive skill in creative thinking. Tim laid down the gauntlet and Hannah, The Inventor, had to respond. And she did. With “umms” and “ahhs” and questions. Not so much an inventor then. She is more The Riddler. Arjan and Rhys may as well have gone to a Wacky Warehouse, it was clear they did not matter at this point. They finalised the design, added some wheels, and hey presto! A sledge. With wheels. For £29.99.

As for Revolution, where was the revolution in camping? Team leader Adam began rambling like a broken toy. Total free association thinking. His masterpiece? “If we come up with a great product, people will buy it”. Wow. Zoe could barely hide her lack of enthusiasm for him, arms folded, head down and totally not interested. They chose to concentrate on the family market. Kirsty suggested a portable wardrobe; Hibah a game table; and Adam became fixated on a shoe rack (too fixated methinks, fetish anyone?). Not terrible ideas if done separately. That would be boring though, they instead created a Frankenstein of them all - a wardrobe with a game board and shoe rack. Zoe’s response? “[insert sarcasm] brilliant”. Adam didn’t have the courage to make a decision so used everyone’s. Brilliant.

LESSON NO.4!
Have the strength to make difficult decisions. You cannot be everyone’s friend.

I was impressed by Instinct’s market research. Rhys and Arjan went to see some people who might go to festivals (what it amounted to was a few vaguely young people, one with a kid. Rock n Roll.). They had some good ideas and went back to relay them to Tim and Hannah…

Maybe make it waterproof?
“No”
How about foldable?
“No”
Isn’t it too small?
“No”
One more thing
“Ok Bye”

The wonders of market research.

Designs agreed on (sort of) the little night elves made them. Wouldn’t it have been more interesting to see how they were made than watch these vacuous demons prance about? I’m starting to think it might have been. Maybe I’ll start watching Grand Designs instead.

Pitching time. 3 stores and the team who sells the most wins. Tim was kind enough to let Arjan do all the talking for Instinct. When Hannah informed Arjan of his role it was like watching a person about to be executed. I reckon he would have been happy to have been beheaded instead. They had an advertisement to show too; of a mother and child with a tent (oh Leeds Fest wouldn’t be the same without the families enjoying Metallica). Arjan got into the swing of things and actually performed quite well, so he must have been happy. I was amused by their pitch at Marshmallow, a festival supplies shop, who responded with “it’s a bit childish”. In the foreground however was a camping tent with a caterpillar on the top. It’s not just children that don’t know what they’re doing.

“Oh we’re pitching you a fantastic games table with a built in storage feature for shoes”. Thank you Zoe. Need we say anymore? They weren’t selling well. Zoe tried her hardest, laughing only once when she said ‘we feel its appealing to the eyes’, but the product was about as useful as a cardboard cupboard, oh wait…

3100 vs 0 sold. Any guesses? Well, you can be damn sure 3100 cardboard cupboards, with shoe rack and chess board on top, for camping, were not sold. On a side note, 3100 sales for Instinct is impressive! They worked relatively well together and ultimately this showed in the result. Genuinely - I’m not even being sarcastic. Moving swiftly on, we were left in the boardroom with Adam, Hibah and Zoe. No idea why he brought Zoe back in as she was the only reasonable thing about his group. Hibah? Well she uttered the words “we have to get these photos shooted”. Nuff said. It looked like Adam was a gone-er. He kept on saying that he still believed the product was a good one…

LESSON NO.5!
Look at your product objectively. Even if you love it like a child, if it’s bad, it won’t sell.

In the end he rambled like he did as team leader for so long I wanted someone to get the shovel out again. It was embarrassing. But it saved him. Lord Sugar liked his passion. Zoe clearly wasn’t going to go, so goodbye Hibah. She never really did anything but moan anyway.

Any bets for next week’s loser? I place five virtual pounds on Adam.

Until next time…
LT

Posted in Junior Apprentice | No Comments »

The Junior Apprentice - Burning the deckchairs on the Titanic…(Episode 3)

Tim - “I could fall asleep right now”. Agreed. I had to drink some Red Bull to make it through this episode. Still, was there anything to learn? Not to have children perhaps - but I’ll try squeeze something business related from this week’s episode too.

This week’s task - selling cupcakes in Selfridges. The teams… Lord Sugar’s method of mixing up the teams is becoming more and more ingenious. “Kirsty and Arjan swap”.  Job done. Finally Zoe steps up to be team leader. Her reasoning was she sells stuff and she likes cakes. I guess Richard Branson liked trains too. She heads up Revolution with Adam, Emma, and Arjan. Dream team. Instinct, headed by Rhys, includes the rest.  Do you think Rhys can beat Zoe? Zeus can’t beat Zoe.   So that’s this week’s blog done. Goodbye.

If only life was that easy…we shall continue.

Each team had to decide on a unique selling point, but clearly every USP has been taken, so they weren’t going to do anything too drastic. And don’t worry, they didn’t disappoint. Instinct followed the ‘Fashion’ theme. Cakes and fashion. I hear you say ‘wuh?’ Whatever. Their bonfire. Their ideas began with Tim rolling out his ‘genius’, again. “What is the definition of a theme?…we could do with a dictionary”. Actually Tim, you could do with a brain. Revolution went for an ‘I heart’ theme with little hearts on the cake. That’s quite clever really. And woot! It was Emma’s idea. She is finally coming out of her shell and it’s nice to see. Maybe starting to contend with Zoe? I personally think this would be a great thing because the Junior Apprentice is in danger of becoming The Zoe Show.

(Now, I was a little rebellious at school, terrible I know, and I’m starting to think I’m reverting back to that. Maybe I should be kind to them this week? After all, there is good in everybody apparently. Forgive me for I have sinned…here goes nothing!)

[New blog begins]
As expected Revolution’s selling techniques were great with Zoe and Arjan donning a giant cupcake costume to grab people’s attention. In the nicest possible way however, things started to fall apart a bit. The sales team = brilliant, the services team = less so. Adam and Emma were struggling in the back to make enough cakes. This was partly down to a mistake by Zoe saying they could create personalised cakes in three minutes. They could not. It was also down to Adam being ill and complaining a lot. I had some sympathy but maybe that’s why I’m not a rich businessman. Zoe on the other hand - “I’m not a great one for pity”. Ruthless. Or crazy. Back at the stall, members of the public were waiting for up to half an hour and were pretty unimpressed. Nevertheless, sales were made and it went ok. Only ok. On a side note - do only attractive people shop in Selfridges? I’m going to go tomorrow.

LESSON NO.6!
Do not make promises you cannot deliver. Under promise and over deliver.

Instinct had more trouble. Rhys struggled immediately to get the support of his team. I think someone ripped his voice box out. At one point in the car I thought he was travel sick. He looked ill. I think he was just depressed. He was being ignored by the rest of the team and his ability to manage was compromised. I actually felt sorry for him until he said carrying two cases of cakes was impossible because he wasn’t tall enough. Tim and Hannah couldn’t resist drenching themselves in a smug air. I think Tim’s so proud that he has a beard. On the whole though it seemed as if no one really wanted [him] to succeed. And my God did they not.

Rhys and co. made a loss of £89.74 whilst Zoe (she doesn’t need a co.) made a whopping £15. So we shall see Revolution next week. Bye Bye. Hold up. It’s like a surprise eviction in Big Brother! Lord Sugar tells Adam to go home because of his illness. Say what? I thought he had a cold. There must be more to it. Someone Wikipedia him and see if he’s still alive?

So it’s Instinct back in the boardroom. Tim states whoever Rhys brings back will “absolutely execute him”. Kind hearted fellow. He takes Tim and Hannah back in and they all go mental. Rhys brings up a good point as to whether they sabotaged his team? I actually think he may have had a point. They did not seem to support him and maybe they wanted rid of him. Maybe Rhys imagined this but I thought they never really gave him a chance. Still, his team were a disaster, and Lord Sugar had little choice. Rhys was the 3rd victim. Gone. See you in the next world.

LESSON NO.7!
Be careful of sabotage. People can be that cruel.

[New blog ends]

I’m going to need another Red Bull after being so kind.
LT

Posted in Junior Apprentice | No Comments »

The Junior Apprentice - Andy Warwho? (Episode 4)

That’s the second time we’ve seen Tim straighten his hair!  For a man who takes so much care with his hair, you’d think he’d shave more often.  I imagine him saying (privately) “No but my beard is manly”, just like straightening your hair, Tim.

Art this week.  They had to choose two artists from six and then sell their work.  Slightly odd task if you ask me.  Even odder that the David Beckham football academy was chosen as the place to tell them about this task.  The Lord works in mysterious ways.   Sometimes he doesn’t work at all of course.  He didn’t use his magic on the teams this week.   So it was Revolution, captained by Emma, with Zoe and Arjun, against Instinct, with Tim ‘as PM’ (his words not mine), comprising of Hannah and Kirsty.

So what do these people know about art? They know about as much as Karl Pilkington.  Tim thinks it’s ‘pointless’ and is not a fan of ‘arty-farty’ types.  Doing a lot for farmer stereotypes Tim.   Emma was very knowledgeable about old art, “if you look at Leonardo, he didn’t do many [paintings]“.  Brilliant.  Sounds like a good idea to send some off these mini-Saatchi’s to critique some art then.

Instinct divide up into two teams, Kirsty on her own and Tim and Hannah going together.  Is this a little love match?  I thought so at first.  But she turned into his little minion, taking notes and smiling at him.  He even referred to her as ‘my secretary’.  I think he’s been watching ‘The Secretary’ and got ideas.  Send in the Suffragettes.  Kirsty on her own was dreadful with the artists.  As Nick, Lord Sugar’s right hand man, correctly said, she didn’t seem interested in the art itself.  In fact she seemed quite hostile.  “I have a few questions….so it’s this one?  Thank you”.  Kirsty, that’s one question.  Oh well.  You’re small.

LESSON NO.8!
You have to look after your suppliers

Zoe’s team (and make no mistake Emma’s team is actually Zoe’s) have a little more luck with the artists.  Of course Zoe goes out on her own.  You can’t improve on business perfection.  The artists seemed to love her.  She rambled about her parents being professional artists.  Actually I thought they were just teachers, and anyway, have you got a Plummer on your wall?  Know anyone who does?  I could be a professional artist.  Anyway I’m getting distracted.  It turns out the rest of the world hates Zoe.  I have been left unaware.  I saw Sam Wollaston’s less than enthusiastic description, a shame as I usually love him, but I have now departed from him, like when I realised Communism couldn’t work.  A sad day indeed.  Distracted again…damn.

The artists had to choose which team they would prefer to work with.  Surprise surprise, both teams picked this artist who did crass cheap paintings, and surprise surprise, he picked Zoe’s team.  They got the paintings hung at different galleries and had to invite people to come buy them.  Event set up, time for sales.  Oh I do wonder who will be best at this!

Well actually, it turns out Tim and Arjun aren’t so bad at this.  They talked a lot of the nonsense talk and generally got stuck in.  “Schmoozing” was the buzzword of this episode.  What a stupid word.  They talked about it as if the people buying the art were kids who you could distract with a toy.  Pitifully, it worked.  Kirsty on the other hand seemed very uneasy with the process.  She spent much of her time in the shadows, or yawning.  Zoe did start to grate on me a bit here.  She was very rude to poor Emma, jumping in and even embarrassingly phasing Emma completely out of a conversation at one point.  If I was Emma I would have asked for that to be edited out.  It was just too humiliating.  The final treat of this task was seeing Tim nearly beat a man to death to get a sale.  This poor bar owner was hounded like a fox being chased by people on horses.  Like the fox, he lost, and spent too much money on dull pictures.

The result?  Instinct, and Prime Minister Ankers (Tim) sold £2247 worth of art.  Revolution however sold £6005.  I’m going to take a break from nastiness here.  That is a massive amount!  They absolutely killed this task.  Well done them.  Zoe could hardly hide her self-satisfaction, but that is why I love her.  I don’t get the impression that Emma, Arjun and Zoe will be friends in the future however.  But fair weather friends maybe.  They went off to get clothes made by some famous tailor who, wait for it, made some  clothes for Tom Cruise.  I am sorry for what I am about to do…do you reckon he could recycle one of Tom Cruise’s suits for Arjun?  I should write jokes for Frankie Boyle.

Instinct go off to have a coffee and think about what they have done.  They went to the Bridge Cafe…what happened to Ace Cafe?  Too much free publicity I guess.  It was nice to see they weren’t at each other’s throats (yet) at this point.  Just sad they lost.  Oh my, how things will change when Lord Sugar oversees things.  Tim and Hannah both instantly turned on Kirsty.  It was her fault they didn’t secure the cheap artist who sold well for Revolution.  Fine…it was.  But Hannah did very little in this task, and Tim got too big for his boots.  He even proclaimed at one point something about a “big boss…like myself”.   Where is my shovel?  Sadly, my wish did not come true, and Hannah was kicked off.  At least she has her invention to fall back on.  I wait with baited breath.

LT

Posted in Junior Apprentice, Uncategorized | No Comments »

The Junior Apprentice - Two is the magic number… (Episode 5)

So it’s Kirsty’s turn to answer the call from Lord Sugar’s office. Wow she is small. The stand that the phone is on was almost at head height! Amazing. Anyway, we’re going to Amsterdam. Woot. My love of Zoe disappeared in one sharp shriek. How can she be so loud so early? Clearly excited by flying she transformed into one of the Sirens. I was not lured.

Because of the destination Tim ponders “what to wear…most classiest most European suit I’ve got”. I’m guessing he hasn’t been to Amsterdam. When I was there all I saw was naked ladies in windows and a woman run out of Macdonalds and be sick in the middle of the pavement. In Tim’s defence, the vomiting lady was wearing a Chanel dress and the working girl was wearing French knickers (European again you see). Wiser than he looks ey?  Actually he’s not. He went onto impersonate a Dutch person speaking. Who was his example? Obviously it has to be that weird dutch-man-thing in Austin Powers who eats his own skin. “Shmoke an’ a pancake?”. Tim. *Sigh*

The Junior Apprentice turned briefly into some mad kitchen cleaner advert. “Check-in…Flight…Amsterdam”. The voice-over guy watched too many Cillit Bang adverts. He shouted these words at us, I was half expecting him to shout “BOSH” at the end. What are they doing in Amsterdam I hear you ask? Good question. Knowing Lord Sugar as well as I do now, the location no doubt has nothing to do with the task.

Lies! They have to sell Dutch designers’ products in England. So relevant sort of. Lord Sugar set up meetings with House of Fraser and Liberty but the teams had to source other customers. About the teams, they were Tim and Kirsty, with Special K taking charge of Instinct vs. Zoe, Emma, and Arjun as the bossman of Revolution. 3 against 2 I hear you cry? This is not fair! Lord Sugar couldn’t figure out a solution for that problem. My personal solution would have been to kick Tim off for being annoying at the start of the episode, better yet, the series.

The teams are introduced to 6 designers and had to choose 2. Instinct did well here. Tim was asking some very intelligent questions about stock, pricing, and production. The kinds of things you need to know when you then go broker with a retailer. They seemed to enjoy seeing the ideas that some of the people had (not sure about the human hair hats, couldn’t work out if that was a joke!). Tim even made the sensible suggestion on these bikes by one designer that they won’t fit in either of the retailers Lord Sugar had set up. I hate to admit it, but Tim was impressive. Yuck. Not for long! Yay! They ended up choosing the bikes, obviously, personal cutlery sets and ‘mood’ lamps. Why did they pick the bikes after saying they wouldn’t fit in the stores? Who knows. Doesn’t matter to me. I am happy again.

Revolution on the other hand treated the designers like enemies. Zoe and Emma seemed to gang up on the poor people and almost mock their ideas. During one of their sessions grilling the cutlery lady, Emma even asked “as someone who designs the product, surely you should know what the function of the product is?”. The designer was baffled. “Sorry?” she replied. Way to go Emma. Build that relationship up. Miss Cutlery looooves you now. They went on to choose these rags for children and the bikes for Evans Cycles, sorry, House of Fraser.

Uh oh, you see what I see? They both want the bikes, no idea why. They were almost as bad as the human hair hats. I feel I should describe one for the uninitiated. It was a bike, a normal bike, but instead of pedals it had cross-trainer foot holsters. Pushing your legs up and down made the bike go forward, like a cross-trainer…or like a bike. Unlike last week, it was not up to the suppliers to pick which team to work with, if that was the case the answer would definitely have been Kirsty and Tim. Instead they had to negotiate. Imagine that, a bunch of egocentric brats negotiating. Genius. Kirsty turned into some kind of Godfather figure proclaiming she would not give in. They would not relinquish the bikes. Well guess what, they didn’t. But it was very confusing. They offered the bikes in return for 50% of whatever profit Revolution made on them. Arjun was left unimpressed, “nah I’m not feelin’ that”. Didn’t know he was such a bad ass either. Somehow it ended up that Tim and Kirsty got the bikes and these dog carriers on wheels with matching dog basket. Aren’t they lucky. Two expensive products to sell. Emma, Arjun, and Zoe had to sell the cutlery stuff and the ragdolls. Two cheap products to sell. Hard to work out who came off worst. Oh well.

Negotiating done, the teams went off to the retailers to see if they could sell them. Instinct killed this! The ragdoll things? Well one buyer commented “it looks like a dishcloth”. Correct. They really did. In Liberty they were fumbling around pulling their products out of a plastic bag. Very professional. Will fit in nicely in Liberty then. I heard it’s like Poundland. Not. When Arjun was asked about the products he just didn’t know the answers. He would add at the end of each reply “as far as I know”.

LESSON NO.9!
Know your product like you know your mother…

Revolution were interesting too. Firstly Tim pronounced the name of the bike company wrong. “you’ve gotta get the brand name right haven’t you?” said Nick. Not a good start. When they were introducing the dog carrier to Liberty Tim proclaimed it was the ‘leading brand in the dog stroller…sector’. No kidding. I’ve never seen anything like it before. He went on to say you could “put your kids in it” (I was hoping for a demo of this). He could have put Kirsty in it and wheeled her about. In House of Fraser, who don’t have an exercise wing apparently, he was asked (about the bikes) “where do the bikes fit into our store?. Tim’s response? “They don’t”. What a salesman. I liked that he and Kirsty recognised when it had gone badly. Instinct just rambled about how well it had gone each time.

After the stores the teams wandered around London trying to make extra sales. Tim was mildly successful selling 7 bikes to a bike shop. A few ragdolls were sold here, a few candles there. Nothing to get too excited about. No one wowed me with their initiative. More like children not knowing what to do without being told. Shocking.

Results time again! Revolution didn’t do badly. They managed to sell £10,171 of their products. That was probably quite a lot considering the low cost of the products they ‘chose’. But Instinct….wait for it….good god oh mighty….I can hardly believe me ears….you won’t be able to believe your eyes…unless you saw the show in which case you know…Instinct sold £39,785 worth of goodies. Wow. That’s mad. Lord Sugar could barely hide his delight at this. Tim and Kirsty really did well this time. Well done them. Very well done.

Back to the boardroom for Emma, Zoe, and Arjun. This was a depressing one for me. I was genuinely sad. It was obvious Emma was going to go. Poor girl knew it too. Her face was so sad. It made me sad. I am human after all. Even Lord Sugar said in the kindest of ways “take your time”. She tried to plead with him. Nothing. Like a person who had just been broken up with pleading for one last chance. Humph. In the end, she just didn’t get involved enough. She was too quick to blame, and too slow to act. So, “with a heavy heart” Emma was fired. I’m going to find Emma and give her a big cuddle.

LT

Posted in Junior Apprentice | No Comments »

The Junior Apprentice - Four blind mice… (Episode 6)

Blah blah blah - we have them all getting up. Tim’s hair. You get the idea. They head to some Aquarium for this task. Behind Lord Sugar a shark tank. Like a Bond Villain. Not really. Cue voice-over ‘silent witnesses to Lord Sugar’s final briefing’. The script writer I hope has now been sacked. I reckon the sharks didn’t even notice humans about. I propose a revised line…’the sharks blankly stared on, oblivious to Lord Sugar’s final briefing’.

“Hello…oh this is the BBC? Yes I will take the job”.

I realise now why Lord Sugar hadn’t messed about with the teams for a few weeks. He was waiting to unleash his ‘magnum opus’. The teams are Zoe and Kirsty against Tim and Arjun. Hold the phone. Enter all the old contestants! Wow! Like a school reunion - no one looked particularly happy. To secure the fact that they all felt insecure he let the team leaders pick from the old contestants who they want to help them. It’s like school football selection all over again. ‘Please don’t let me be last please don’t let me be last please don’t let me be last’. You could almost hear it in the air. They need not worry. Jordan was in the group and he was last before he even woke up that morning. In fact, Jordan was born last…of triplets…I’m guessing…I’m lying.

Lord Sugar also impressed me by relating the task to the place for a change. Aquariums are full of water right? Well they have to sell bottled water! Not salty water though. He missed a trick. Cue another voice over ‘water - hydrogen and oxygen, but bottled and branded, it’s liquid gold’. There are no words to describe my disappointment in these writers.

“What’s the usual reason why you buy a bottle of water?”. Good question. Why on earth do we drink water? We should stop that…there seems to be no obvious use. The teams set about finding a market to sell to. Arjun and Tim go for normal people - people who drink water. Kirsty and Zoe, in all their wisdom, go for the teen market. Now I’m, thinking, unless the water is laced with vodka, most teens aren’t going to be interested.

Next stop, obviously a catchy name. Rhyss and Arjun showed their usual lack of creativity with this task. They nearly threw Emma out of the car for suggesting a name doesn’t have to explain the product. Her point was a good one though. A company selling water doesn’t have to be called Splash or Hydr8 or Thirst. Rhyss’ answer? “[what about] the Ford Ka”? Rawr. Tim whipped out a bit of genius. He suggested calling the brand ‘A Bottle Of Water’. Now I’m no branding expert but I think that is an amazing idea. Simple, quirky, and amusing. Best thing anyone has done on the Junior Apprentice. Seriously. Zoe and Kirsty decided on the name ‘Drip Drop’. Seriously? I bet Rhyss wished he could change teams!

Both teams went on to make TV adverts. Suddenly all these junior people were singing. It made me feel queasy. They were coming up with jingles for these adverts. Tim and co. sang out of tune about…well, I dunno what actually. Zoe went the bad boy route. Earlier she said “wha’ g’wan”. Now she was singing “Drip Drop, drippity drop” in some bizarre RnB style. Hippity hop. Their adverts weren’t much better. One consisted of a girl stealing “Drip Drop” from some thirsty dudes. The other had a stacked man running around with no shirt on. Wha? Nevermind.

With a product, a name, and an advert, they were ready to pitch to industry experts. A quick point. What will happen in the real world when these kids try sell things and they don’t have Lord Sugar to pull some contacts? I guess they will be like everybody else…unemployed. Anyway, they had sort of pop-up shops to present within. They designed them as best they could and on the night they both looked pretty good. Arjun showed his team spirit by saying “it’s about me…getting that pitch right. Everything else can go to hell if I’m honest”. Admirable. With the pitches however, well, both teams pretty much aced them. Nothing really to make fun of at this point. Depressing. The people in the crowd seemed particularly impressed with Tim and Arjun. Zoe and Kirsty left them slightly baffled with their choice of market. So they finished their final task. I’m not even sure how they were going to be judged. No sales were to happen.

LESSON NO.10!
Think carefully about who you are going to sell to. Do they need your product?

In the board room one last time. I feel like I’m at my mother’s funeral. Sad times. I’m going to cut to the chase. Zoe and Kirsty made an error. The teen market isn’t that strong for selling water. There is a reason there isn’t already water aimed at teens. They.don’t.care. So they lost this task. They weren’t fired. They were just told to leave. Zoe said on the way out “well done boys, you really deserve it”. Liar. You hate them Zoe. There was a shot of Kirsty being driven away. There was something about the music and her tear-reddened eyes that made it terrible to watch. Poor Kirsty. I had been so rude about her! Now I feel haunted by my past. She is only a person after all.

Indeed.

And then there were two. Arjun and Tim. Lord Sugar pondered whether Arjun was just a ‘boff’. I think he meant ‘boffin’. Moving on. Tim? Mr. Creativity. In his own words a person with “massive natural ability”. Who will it be?
Tim?
Arjun?
Tim?
Arjun?
ARJUN SCORES! Was that like Championship Manager for anyone else? Or just me? He is the Junior Apprentice. The big man. He’s got it in the bag! Nice work. His response was awesome…”wicked…I can’t thank you more”. Well he could have started by smiling. But it’s all over. Zoe didn’t win. Shocking to be honest. I think it was a stitch up. Still, I heard her talk about using Facebook so I’m going to stalk her and find out.

See you in the next world.
LT

Posted in Junior Apprentice | No Comments »

Business Just Got Tougher

For young people in London who are currently out of work and wanting to start a business, life just got a lot tougher! Whilst many have welcomed the first Coalition Government’s Budget as a boost to business, these words are mostly coming from those already in business and making profits. The NI C tax break will be great news for many, but not if you live in London and the South East. At the individual level, why should geography determine how easy it is to start a business?

The impact of a VAT rise to 20% from January 2011 will have a direct hit on the bottom line of the smallest businesses. They often don’t have the flexibility to increase their prices (if they did they would be out of business) so will have to take the 2.5% as a hit to their margins. Profitability will be squeezed as many businesses absorb some or all of the VAT rise.

Self-employment or starting your own business is a real option for those who are without an income at present but have the drive and determination to succeed. Such people will overcome the obstacles that are thrown at them, but that’s no reason to add to them.
At Bright Ideas Trust we help young people in London to start their own businesses. We have been supporting them during the recession (be ready to benefit from the upturn) and we will continue to support them, because we have seen what a tremendous difference it makes to individuals. Yes, it just got tougher, but we are up for the challenge and know that many young business people are too.

Andy

Posted in Bright Ideas Trust | No Comments »

« Older Entries

Bright Ideas Trust is supported by a number of leading organisations:

  • Bank of America
  • Accenture
  • WPP
  • JP Morgan
  • Mediaedge:cia
  • Taylor Wessing
  • Herbert Smith LLP

Registered Charity Number 1121480

Site design and build by HeathWallace

Bookmark us on:

  • Share on Facebook
  • Bookmark us with Del.icio.us
  • Bookmark us with Stumble Upon
  • Bookmark us with Digg